my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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