K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
