I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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