there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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