I can text with my tongue
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
