No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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