the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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