he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
