I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
