She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
