so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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