I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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