I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
