dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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