just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
