did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
