I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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