I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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