I think I died a long time ago.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In other news, I just burned my penis
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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