My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
