She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
