Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
