how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What a dumb baby whore.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
