dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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