I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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