i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize