I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
