Apparently you make a good broom.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
