i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
