I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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