he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
