I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
