What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
