This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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