hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
