There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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