i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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