i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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