is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
