you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
