saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
