i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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