i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
