I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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