so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize