I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize