ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
