Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
