i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
