people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
