it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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