I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Did you just see the Batmobile???
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
