I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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