At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
