meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
