they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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