she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
God, I missed his penis.
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