He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
