I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
