Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
