I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
