can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
