A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
