I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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