And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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