Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
