Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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