i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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