5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize