I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
