im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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