Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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