Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
