She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
